I Didn’t Ask, He Didn’t Tell

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My Orthodox Jewish grandmother told me that if I married a man who wasn’t Jewish that he would eventually beat me. My Jewish mother told me if I married a gentile that she would serve only lima beans at my wedding and no one would come. Needless to say at 26 years of age I was on a quest to marry the most Hebrewist man I could find.

The year was 1996. I was working at major motion picture studio. A six-foot tall, quite good-looking man in his early thirties walked up to my cardboard-like cubicle.

“Hi, I’m Jacob Jewstein (that’s not really his name but trust me it was super heeby). I’m the new Mac guy.” (It was his job to fix all the Mac computers on the studio lot).

What went through my mind instantly was “Mrs. Jacob Jewstein.” You see not only did I have to marry Jewish but I had a timetable. By 26 I will meet the man of my dreams, married by 30 and kids by 33.

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